Shane and Hannah Burcaw discuss Shane getting Sober

– Hello, everyone. – Hello.
I feel like our videos lately have been a lot of heavy hitters.
Uh huh.
We’ve been making a lot of big life announcements.
And this video is also that.
A lot of issues with you, like sickness, injury, mental health.
I feel like we’re just on the roll.
If you look at our recent titles, it’s like, Shane hurt.
Shane not doing well.
Shane sick.
But you know what?
We are authentic and we are just giving…
Otherwise, we just wouldn’t be here at all.
So this is this is what you’re getting I hope you enjoy it.
This is our life.
This is a YouTube channel about our life together.
Yep.
A few videos ago, we told you about my mental decline.
And how over the summer, it felt like my brain broke.
And I began dealing with depression and anxiety.
In ways that I never have before.
I began therapy.
And I’ve been in therapy since then.
This video is intended to give you an update about how that has been going.
And also provide a little bit more context about everything
that happened over the summer and what I’m dealing with.
Yeah. Things that you want to share now that you
weren’t sure you were going to share before.
Things that you just thought about for a while.
Yeah.
It’s always a difficult decision to know what to put out there in the world,
what we’re comfortable with, what we want
all of you to know about the most vulnerable parts of our life.
And so we thought about this for a while.
But I am three months sober.
Yay. (cheering sounds)
I, for many years, have been using alcohol to manage my emotions, I will say.
In a way that, for many years, felt to me like not a problem.
And then as time went on, began to feel like more and more of a problem
when I couldn’t easily stop wanting alcohol to manage my emotions.
– Is that a fair way of explaining that? – Yeah, I think that makes sense.
I think people that have dealt with alcohol dependency will understand the
feeling of swearing to yourself that you don’t have a problem, while also
simultaneously wondering if you have a problem.
I think for me,
it was that question, being in my head for so long, that made me realize,
all right, I think I may need some help with stopping alcohol as my main form of
emotional management.
And that was what happened around the time I began therapy.
I was beginning to understand that all of my negative emotions or that I was using
alcohol to kind of numb all of the difficult emotions that
I was feeling and realizing that that was a bad thing.
And wanting help to stop that.
Stopping drinking in general is something that Shane
has tried on his own before in our relationship.
I feel like from the time we met, it was just like
kind of a thing that popped up every once in a while.
But never successfully.
And I feel like that was this past summer.
I honestly, I forget the timeline, but there were just a couple times
recently that Shane tried and then it didn’t work out.
I think that was kind of like one of the impetuses to
starting to having someone help you through that process.
And not just doing it.
I was like oh, you know what? I can’t do this.
Like I really thought I could.
I don’t think I can.
I mean, I think that’s part of the question you were asking is like,
I don’t have a problem.
I 100% don’t.
But like, do I?
And then you would test it and be like, I
don’t have a problem because I could just stop.
And then you would stop for like two days and then that was it.
And I think that was when you were like, oh… Yeah.
And another way that I kind of used mental gymnastics to convince myself that
everything was fine was that I didn’t drink excessively.
The way it looked for me was that every evening I began to crave a drink.
And if I didn’t have one or couldn’t have one
for whatever reason, I became grumpy and upset by it.
Because I was beginning to feel and think about
all the negative things that I was dealing with.
But I didn’t have like these moments where I would like to drink so much that I drove
my chair off a cliff or like, you know, injured myself or things like that.
But it was like a daily kind of need that I began
to notice that was a signal that I needed to get help.
As we’re talking about mental health today,
our sponsor of today’s video is a great fit.
So thank you to Growtherapy for sponsoring this video.
Yeah, the holidays are approaching.
And as we all know, the holidays can be a very stressful time.
Especially if you’re already dealing with
things like anxiety or depression or loneliness.
And so prioritizing your mental health is a
really important thing to do now more than ever.

And now let’s get back to my sobriety journey.
So in August, we were in Pennsylvania, and I think on our drive back,
we had a night in a hotel, and we didn’t have beer with us.
And Shane normally brings beer on our road trips,
and we’ll take it into the hotel every night.
And on this night, we ran out, and we just didn’t have it.
And so the options were Shane didn’t have a beer, or we went to a liquor store.
And we had driven like nine hours that day.
He knew that if he asked me to go to a liquor store, I would not be a happy camper.
And you’d be surprised how many times I did make that choice.
And just, you know, “This is annoying, but we need to run out.”
“I need a pack of beer.”
Yeah, so that night Shane didn’t have a beer, and then the next night,
I think the hotel had beer for sale.
And I was like, do you want to just grab one before we get to our room?
Because I knew otherwise we’d be coming back down to get it.
And Shane was like, no, I’m not, I’m not having alcohol.
And I was like, okay.
Hannah’s like, “What?”
Yeah, like bewildered, I was like, what?
I honestly don’t know if you told me then that it was like for good, but I think you were
just like, yeah, because I didn’t last time, I’m just going to like try.
And this was probably like three or four weeks into therapy, maybe.
And the therapy had been to stop drinking, but
like not right away, like he was getting into it.
He was going to begin at some point, like any week now he was going to begin.
And so I feel like just that week you were like, I’m at one day and I’m just going to
stick with it.
Yeah, I told myself that I would take it day by day.
And I think that really helped me.
I never in my brain was like, today is the day that I’m stopping for good.
Yeah.
It was more, I’m choosing to not have any of it today.
And the next day, I made the same choice.
Yeah.
And the next day, the same choice.
And it was not easy.
You know, like these choices were not, this was not a good time period.
Mainly for Hannah, because my mood was in the dumpster.
I mean, for you, mostly for you.
I obviously don’t like when you’re upset, but yeah, it was not.
It was not like a, every day Shane was like, I’m not going to have alcohol today.
It was much rougher than that.
I mean, the fact of the matter is that like there are aspects of like disability,
grief and the loss of ability that I live
with, that again, I was numbing with alcohol.
But now that I didn’t have alcohol, were right there
out in the open for me to deal with with just my brain.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was rough for a while.
And I’m now, like I said, three months in.
And it is getting easier, but it’s still a daily choice.
Like tonight, I am not going to have a drink.
And you should tell them about all the drinks that I’ve gotten to like,
not have alcohol.
Our fridge is stocked, you know, we went to the store and we have…
I feel like ginger ale has been your go to.
Shane has a big fan of ginger ale.
Ginger ale, I didn’t know it.
We didn’t know it.
And you, after like that first week, we got non-alcoholic wine or something.
And Shane refused to drink it.
He tried it and he was like, that is not wine, I hate it.
So I was like, okay, whatever.
And then, when we were in Tampa, our friend Amanda had non alcoholic
chardonnay or rosé and you tried it and you were like, this is so good.
Yeah.
So that has been like one of the things that you’ve had now.
I think now that it’s like a little further out.
You’re like, this is good.
So we have a ton of different items in the fridge to pick from each night.
And you’ve begun getting like fun mocktails with me at restaurants.
Yep.
Which I’m a big fan of because I get to try both.
This is really a win.
Win win.
And you want to talk about, sorry, your sugar intake?
Yeah.
Because it’s another win for me.
Shortly after I stopped drinking, I began to crave sweets.
And if you’ve been watching our channel for any amount of
time, you know that I am team savory through and through.
Like, I don’t have a sweet tooth.
But in the evening, after dinner, I started asking
Hannah, do we have chocolate or like ice cream?
Ice cream?
I would take cake.
And you know, at first it was just like, oh this is a odd thing.
And then I brought it up to my therapist.
Because it was really noticeable.
This was a big deal.
And my therapist was like, oh yeah, that happens.
Alcohol is sugar.
And so my body came to expect its daily sugar in the evening.
And then when I stopped drinking, it didn’t have it.
And so I needed sugar.
And candy or chocolate became how I got that.
And so I was so happy about it.
A) because I suddenly loved sweets.
Unlocked a whole new food group.
But also because weight gain is always something that I’m aiming for.
And having nightly sweets is a great way to do that.
Yeah.
And yeah, it’s been really good for Hannah,
cause when we’re out to dinner. I will order dessert.
And Hannah gets to try it.
Unbelievable.
Yeah.
So that is what I’m at right now.
I have not been drinking for three months now.
It’s been very difficult, getting easier.
Doing well.
Like I feel like I’ve turned a corner.
I’m dealing with my emotions in healthier ways that are not alcohol.
And I’m taking it day by day.
So we’re feeling very good about that.
My heart goes out to everyone who is dealing with stuff like this.
I’m rooting for you.
And just wanted you all to know.
Yay, baby.
Yay!
Hannah deserves every award on the planet.
You know, from dealing with my nightly drinking.
To dealing with me stopping. And how rough that has been.
I’ve been telling my therapist like, I have
the number one supporter in the world at home.
And she’s been making it as easy as it can be by getting me drinks,
and supporting me and hugging me.
And reminding me that I can do it.
And just being there for me.
So thank you.
Aww.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
I don’t know how to end this video, but…
– We’ll see ya. – We’ll see you soon.
See you soon.
Okay, bye.